Does Your Relationship Seem Caught In Never-Ending Conflict?
Do you feel frustrated by ongoing communication issues in your relationship? Does it seem as though you and your partner are always arguing, giving one another the silent treatment or avoiding important conversations? You might not remember the last time you had a date night, or even a real talk about something other than the logistics of your shared life, whether that includes your kids’ schedule or household bills. Perhaps even the smallest exchange about chores or to-do lists seems to create tension or blow up into a text message argument that consumes your entire day. As you cycle through the same disagreements without resolution, you may feel that your partner doesn’t understand, respect or listen to you. Have you started to wonder if you even know—or like—your partner anymore? Do you wish you could work through these conflicts and trust that your partner hears, accepts and loves you?
Relationship problems can leave anyone feeling lonely and defeated. You may feel weighed down by an ever-increasing collection of buried frustrations and hurt feelings, but dread starting another fight. It may be that you come home from a long, exhausting day only to feel judged and rejected by the person you want to connect with most. At the same time, you may find yourself judging your partner, but feeling unable to release your growing feelings of resentment. You might wonder how your once caring, connected relationship has wound up here.
Most Couples Experience Conflict, Especially Over Time
No relationship is perfect, and whether you have been together for three years or three decades, it’s normal to experience conflict at some point in your lives together.
Change is also inevitable, even within love and relationships. You and your partner are both unique individuals who evolve over time. Sometimes, that evolution is obvious—you become parents, you change careers, etc. Other times, it’s subtle and difficult to identify—your beliefs shift, you adopt new habits, etc. Especially in fast-paced Silicon Valley, days can rush by, leaving little time to consider the ways your relationship is changing. Once you do stop and reflect, you may realize that you’re sharing a life with someone you hardly know. You may struggle to reconcile the fact that person you’re with today isn’t the person you married.
If all the fun and joy is gone, you’re likely keenly aware of the ways you and your partner have changed. However, you may be unsure about how to adapt and move forward. Perhaps you’ve matured and grown, but sometimes feel like your partner is punishing you for embracing positive change.
No matter what you’re going through, no couple can stay connected without working to evolve together. The good news is that, with a little effort, along with advice from a skill relationship therapist, you and your partner can develop the skills needed to navigate conflict and understand, accept and value one another.
Couples Counseling Can Bring You And Your Partner Together
Crossroads Relationship Center offers a safe, neutral space for you and your partner to work through conflict and find new, effective ways to communicate. In sessions, you can investigate the sources of disconnection and disagreement, identify your needs and learn how to clearly express your wants, without blame or judgment. When you’re able to attentively listen to one another, you both can create greater harmony and joy in your relationship.
Conflict resolution for couples often centers around finding small, meaningful ways to connect with your partner. In goal-oriented, solution-focused sessions, you both can begin to explore and express the ways you give and receive love. For example, maybe you feel loved when your partner offers physical affection, while your partner feels loved when you make time to do something together. Whether you start holding hands, setting aside cell phones or scheduling weekly date nights, your therapist will help you develop an action plan so you can start making positive changes after your very first session.
As you gain a better understanding of your partner and yourself, you can develop a new, shared language that fosters empathy and patience. You can learn how to resolve conflict by employing active listening techniques and slowing down an argument before emotions bubble out of control. And, by developing mindfulness techniques, you can stop feeling reactive and start feeling curious about your partner’s wants and needs. Equipped with real-world strategies and skills, you and your partner can enjoy a relationship built on peace, trust and fun.
The therapists at Crossroads Relationship Center know what it takes to build healthy, lasting relationships. No matter how frustrated and defeated you may feel now, the tools you and your partner need are within reach.
You may have questions or concerns about couples counseling…
Therapy is too expensive.
Counseling is an investment in your relationship, family and overall wellbeing. Even though you may feel disconnected right now, you and your partner have built a life together. We encourage you to consider how much that shared life is worth and what it might cost to start over. With the right guidance, it is possible to feel like you are truly partners again, there to lift one another up and make it through this life together. It is possible for your relationship to thrive.
Our relationship therapist is going to think I’m the problem.
In sessions, there will be times when you have to approach topics and conversations that might be uncomfortable. Sometimes, you might feel like the “bad guy.” Other times, your partner might inhabit that role. In truth, neither of you are the problem, and neither of you should bear the full responsibility of your relationship strain.
What therapy offers is a better understanding of your shared relationship dynamic. As you explore what fuels conflict and develop communication skills, you can let go of the desire to blame one another and practice accountability. Then, you can move forward with the insight and strategies you need to create change.
We’ve already tried everything. We’re just not good at this.
Many couples believe they don’t have what it takes to build a good relationship or marriage. While this fear is understandable, we encourage you to think about your definition of a “good” relationship. Are you holding yourself to an impossible ideal of what marriage is or should be?
Despite all the images of romance and perfection we see on TV, in the movies or even on our friends’ social media pages, in truth, a relationship is just two different people trying to coexist under the same roof. Sometimes, they’re trying to coexist with children too! The realities of that day-to-day inherently invite conflict, and that’s okay. Disagreement doesn’t make you a bad couple, and fighting doesn’t mean you aren’t meant to be together.
Relationship and marriage counseling can help you shift your expectations and develop greater compassion for your partner and yourself. With the guidance of a nonjudgmental relationship expert, you can learn what a healthy relationship looks like and figure out what a “good” relationship looks like on your own terms. Then, you can build something great.
Renew Your Relationship
You don’t have to stay stuck in a cycle of conflict. We invite you to call us today at 408-228-3512. You can ask any questions you may have about couples counseling in Los Gatos, CA.